Timeline- 09/28/2003

This series of entries was written the same weekend a newspaper article was published in the Washinton Post detailing the abuses and loss of license of the doctor I saw during my stays at Dominion Hospital in Fairfax Virginia. The timing still surprises me.

TIMELINE of efforts to seek help

first went to guidance about stress at home, bullying at school and depression. I'm sure he (can't remember his name) listened but he couldn't/didn't do anything when i told him about specific instances of physical abuse. i felt ignored.

spoke to them off and on, when referred, through the end of my eigth grade year when i was 14.

positives: none

referred to guidance by the english teacher after several poetry assignments left her *concerned*. told the guidance counselor about feeling suicidal, previous self-destructive acts, running away and abuse at home. she contacted my parents and told them to get me into counseling.

positives: she believed me and made an effort to help.

parent took me to mental health at the strong request of the school. saw melvin with my parents for most of the first session. during the short time i saw him alone i told him about hearing voices and losing time. described the depression and told him about things at home. he saw the family together on the next visit and just me for the first part of the third.

during that visit he complained that my frequent sighs were a rude way to tell him i was bored. when i told him i had trouble catching my breath when i was stressed, he called me a liar. for the rest of the session he invited my parents in. he told them i was a spoiled liar and a juvenile delinquent. said i needed more discipline and my attention seeking games were best dealt with by ignoring them.

to my dad's credit, he told marvin he was full of bullshit and we never went back.

positives: my dad stood up for me and saw through the man's crap.

parents took me to the base for counseling after walking out of an ER and threatening to jump off a building. he was a nice man who listened with genuine concern. he didn't feel at all qualified to deal with self-injury and suicidal behavior. he had no recommendations for my parents except to consider a hospital. something i wanted at that point. i didn't see him again.

positives: it was a nice afternoon. we talked while walking the banks of the potomac river behind the hospital. it was a relief to talk to someone who seemed to care.

was admitted to the psychiatric unit of the local hospital after cutting my wrists at school. dr. k was my doctor during my 7 day stay. he was a nice man. i remember him asking if i wanted him to continue seeing me after discharge. i said yes, if my parents allowed.

i told him about the voices and lost time. i also made up a number of things to tell him. he was a very nice person but i had already decided the only thing i needed was to be hospitalized and away from my parents. i saw him for about six weeks. when i honestly told him i could think of nothing but ways to hurt and hopefully kill myself, he had my parents admit me to dominion hospital.

i again saw dr. k between the first stay at dominion and my admission to george washington university hospital in november of 1984. during that time he mostly just managed my medications. thanks the the doctor from dominion, he no longer believed anything i told him.

positives: he was the first person in my life to tell me i was pretty. even after i relaized he'd never be able to help me, he was nice. it was worth seeing him to have an hour of nice each week.

at various times, after being picked up as a runaway, i asked for help from the police. because there were no physical signs of abuse nothing was ever done. i would beg them not to send me home and one night tried to refuse to leave. the officer offered to force me in my mom's car.

positives: the officer who babysat me in the lobby of the local jail until yet another hospital admission. he asked to read what was in my composition notebook. he said my poetry and stories were awesome and asked if he could copy some to keep. said too many people didn't understand what teens were going through.

this same officer saved me from assault almost 4 years later. i could never sleep. i was walking in old town manassas at 1 am when i realized i was being followed by two men. i crossed the street and they disappeared. a minute later one came around a corner in front of me and the other was behind me. i went to cross another street and saw an officer get out of his squad car to put something in a mailbox. (and some people don't believe in miracles) i made faces at him hoping to get his attention and kept walking.

he got in his car and circled the block then pulled up next to me. i told him what i was afraid of and he called for back-up. i stayed in his car while officers from 2 districts searched the area and found the two men. i don't think they did anything but question them, but when they were found and i identified them, the officer drove me home... with a lecture about not walking at night.

he was happy to see my life was getting better and i had gotten away from my parents.

he always treated me with kindness and respect.

to be continued