Timeline part 3

i was admitted to GWUH after an overdose of tofranil. i stayed int he hospital for 5 1/2 weeks. i remember very little about the psychatric resident who handled my therapy and only one conversation with the doctor of record. the hospital was not equipped for teens and i was mostly just held there until it appeared i was no longer a suicide risk.

positives: got to know every nook and cranny of DC during daily passes.

don't really know why i'm mentioning this. it wasn't voluntary and it wasn't really even a counseling session. i'm not clear on the events that put me in marvin's office. just that mum had decided to commit me. i think we were there while she filed the petition or filled out paperwork. in essence, he was babysitting me. there were 2 police officers in the waiting area responsible for transporting me there and to my next destination.

i sat in marivn's office while he asked me basic questions. i eventually asked him if he remembered me. he didn't. i reminded him. i probably would have gotten further with him if i hadn't. this man who once told me i was just a spoiled liar was now unwilling to believe i wasn't dangerously suicidal.

i think this is relevant because i did sincerely try to defend myself in regards to being committed. i was not suicidal. my mum had stated very clearly to me she just didn't want me in her home anymore.

*sighs* i won't go into detail here. i decided sitting in that office that if i were going to be hospitalized, it would be for something i did. i wasn't convincing anyone i wasn't suicidal so this was my only choice. (or so i felt) marvin's office was where i chose to do it.

positives: i was able to verbally confront him on his actions years before. i was able to tell him to his face that he had armed my mother against me and betrayed my hope in receiving help. i can't say i feel good about the look in his eyes, but he finally listened and believed.

between marvin's office and fairfax hospital was the night in the lobby of the police station/manassas detention center. the next 2 nights were spent back in dominion. that was the visit that gave me the chance to tell the mental health worker what happened the night in DC when he supplied half a dozen underage kids with beer.

the judge didn't really give me much choice. i could go in to this hospital voluntarily or not but i was going. it was 6 weeks of being warehoused. no help. no therapy. several instances of being reminded why i no longer believed it would get better.

positives: charlie started visiting me. he's the only reason i had strength enough to go home after discharge.

i had lost 22 lbs when i first started seeing dr. small. 8 months later i had lost an additional 24 lbs and after several ER visits, was considering inpatient treatment.

my last visit with dr. small was when he told me that from the beginning he had been waiting for me to require hospitalization. it was the only thing that would help. well, thank you for taking $100 and hour once a week for 8 months first, you asshole.

positives: i became determined to get better without a hospital and i did.

i was almost 35 lbs underweight when i met dr. bixler. he took one looka t me and said if i was unwilling to accept that the thing i was trying to control was controlling me, he could do nothing. i worked with him until charlie was transferred to durham, NC by IBM.

positives: all of it. i saw him again for a few weeks a tthe end of my pregnancy with rachel. i was staying with mum and dad at their request because it was a high risk pregnancy and i needed help with the kids. if it hadn't been for dr. bixler i would likely have stressed myself into a very premature delivery.

i had become severely depressed and was battling issues surrounding my birth mother. the spiritual side of this was very intense and more than charlie and i could deal with... when we went to our church for help, our pastor told my husband i needed to be put in a locked facility. there was nothing he could or even wanted to do to help.

positives: before things went bad, i learned a lot in that church. my personal faith grew tremendously. the church did give me the tools to continue growing in my faith.

from here out i'm just listing the people. i can't go into more detail right now.

our church did a special program about the reality of occultic abuse. one of the guest speakers was a 15 year old boy. he had been rescued from the cult and was in recovery from the trauma. if i remember, they did mention he was DID. cheryl was the coordinator for this program. she and i got toghether for lunch a few times. she helped me put together some strategies for continuing recovery without a counselor or support within my church.

positives: she was a good person with strong and healthy boundaries. she helped me put together some of the tools that got me thru the next several years.

this wasn't a bad experience. i went for one visit. after debating for 45 minutes the counselor's belief that it did no good to revisit the past in order to help the present, we came to the amicable agreement that his was not the counseling i needed.

positives: i stood my ground instead of caving to the professional.

lying POS asshole. he lost his license to practice in GA. never shared that bit of info. nor did he tell me he was unlicensed in SC. he was the most arrogant, self-involved person i have ever met. he firmly believed he alone hed the key to emotional healing. he never quite handled the fact that i didn't submit mysel fto him as the ultimate authority.

when i finally found out about the license situation, i told him i wouldn't be coming back. he told charlie i'd known he was unlicensed from the beginning... in my last conversation with him he told me i 'couldn't make it without him'. yeah? watch me pal.

positives: okay, so maybe it's pride or spite but he gave me the motivation to prove i COULD do it without his guidance and i did. i pulled myself together by sheer will and held it together for a couple of years.

decent doctor. emotionally constipated human. he was another one who could not stand that i didn't just revere him as the supreme authority on my health. i fired him after he refused to test my iron and simply doubled my supplement dose. turns out my iron levels had returned to normal and he had prescribed a slow overdose for me. all because he *knew* better than i did how long it takes the body to replenish itself after blood loss.

after i switched doctors he refused to see charlie again, claiming he couldn't risk me claiming malpractice if i ever questioned his care of charlie. *rolls eyes*

positives: i'd never stood up to a physician before. they scare me to death. i stood up to dr. robinson and found the doctor who has taken care of us since. she's wonderful.

Sept 1999-Feb 2007

Trauma Specialist and Licensed Therapist. Lyn faithfully walked this journey with the Crew.

Jan 2000- present

Dr. C is an MD specializing in addictions and Dissociative Disorders. Between him and lyn, the Crew finally found the road to true recovery.